desperate

desperate...yeah,that's wat i'm currently feeling right now,i'm desperate for a quite number of stuff now...i'm currently going through my holiday but instead of enjoying,i'm in a way desperate for it to end.although that will signal the end of this relaxing period but somehow this is just too relaxing,too relaxing that i feel like i lose purpose of life.although living everyday doing nothing but playing game is quite nice ut still...i crave for a purpose and crave for human contact.i feel so lost and void right now...
talking about human contact,that is another that i crave for now...not friends,i have that enough,Alhamdulillah for that...but now wat i hope now is to have someone which is important for me,personally,emotionally,someone that i can spend this purposeless time together,someone that i can connect without inhibition,without holding back and will return it back to me and in the process make me full,complete and in a way will always give me purpose everyday...sigh...some of my friend said i'm quite desperate,probably they are right...hahaha,just recently someone gave me that opputunity and frankly i was very happy and thankful,although i still hold back a bit...but it got quite close,i was seriously happy but the problem is it just left me wanting for more...sigh,i shouldn't have done wat i did i think...but oh well...who knows someting bigger is now in motion that i now know off and if something is in motion,in the end it'll still depends on my decision...and that'll be hard for me... i' the type who always let things run,see how things will end up and just change myself to accomodate to the current situation,i dare not to shape things up as i'm scared of the result or backlash,basically i just don't have enough self confidence and bravery to face the situation...i must learn to be strong,leaarn to take the ugly decision for my own good,stop running away..i'm desperate for a heart of steel,for a heart of rose,for a heart of fire...yes,i'm indeed desperate