Thoughts...

Today was the third and the last endocrine biology anoatomy spotter and i must say i'm quite frustrated because of all the three,this is the easiest and yet i probably have made 3 silly mistakes,which all down to my inability to make a quick assesment and judgement of the specimens presented.All of us have around a minute to look at the specimens and make a decision and yet i panicked.Sigh,later on in life when i'm a doctor(hopefully...)i probably have less time than that to make a decision which could probably determine life and death of a person.I've always been like that,prefer to make decisions at my own pace and without pressure but not just my future line of profession but life itself won't be that nice to anyone.Hmm..i better start learn to make fast decisions and be confident,which is essential in making decisions.I realize that I always lack in confidence,always have doubts and second thoughts about nearly every decisions that i make,causing me to always take the middle decisions or not making decisions at all.Inferiority complex is what Shan once said to me...Could it be true?? This is one part of myself that i have to improve..

Talking about decisions ,this is one of the reasons why i most probably won't specialised in A&E or Trauma department as i'm not good at making fast decisions.Although treating A&E cases is part of the job description as a doctor,I don't think I'll enjoy it that much(but who knows,it might change in the future,i'm not ruling that out).Hey,who likes to see people in pain or in a serious injury anyway.I tend to imagine how painful it is and scared to inflict pain on others,so unless I can block this or find a way to distract myself,it'll be quite hard for me to treat such cases.I know at times u have to inflict pain for better good but still... I've seen pictures of road traffic accidents in one of my courses and I swear,it's gruesome.The fact that the person is still alive and kicking and blood is still flowing,makes it a totally different experience compare to cutting cadavers.I mean,cadaver is just like a...thing while patients is a person,get me??For example,a doctor once describe that Le Fort 3 injury,where the fractures is basically across the face,u can basically pull the whole upper face out.Imagine that..the doctor said that at times u just have to do that as diagnosis...i also saw another picture of a person whose face is partially ripped off that u can actually see the bones beneath... This is real life,not movies or as such... Maybe if i treat the patients as if they are cadavers,i probably can do my job better.It sounds cold,but it's our job to be cold and calculative at times i guess

Last sunday we had our open house and i believe it was a big success.Seeing all those who came and smiling when eating or chatting with others really makes me happy.The open house also gives me a chance to get closer to some of my friends.I'm not very good at describing stuff especially feelings but i was seriously happy la. Again i would like to say thanks to all those who came.We,house 62 The Maples would also like to apologize to those who came late such as Fatin and Acap who didn't get to taste our full course because 'dah habis licin'. It's our misjudgement that lead to this and hopefully next year won't be the same.The next day i was seriously tired,although i didn't do much of the cooking but i still stay up the whle night helping Napit and Kamarul cook and becoming the host is quite tiring in the end.SUCCESS!!

Today,I found about something that i was trying to get might not be available to me...Haih,i was quite serious about it but then,certain things are just not meant to be i guess.Some might wondering wat am i talking about,well...it's something la..haha... but at times i also do wonder...whether i wanna get it because i really wanted it..or is it just because of peer pressure...The desire has always been there..it's just the sudden surge of motivation that makes me wonder..it just could be that i have found wat i'm looking for...yeah..deep inside,maybe i really do...oh well...let's see la wat fate has in store for me :)

Lastly,while eating dinner,my housemates and I were watching MTV pimp my ride and we wonder,when will such show reach Malaysia.It'll be cool,watching a 1985 Proton Saga been pimp,a Kancil or even our official kereta mayat,Juara(lol) and knowing our people in malysia,i think the pimping will focus on the specs of the car.Besides that,who might be the host??Afdlin Shauki??Too Phat??or even our no 1 host,Aznil...nah..maybe he's just too...'soft' for this..hahaha.But it'll be quite a feat if such thing does happen as obviously it'll need a hell alot of sponsoring and do we have such garage which have crew professional enough to undertake such task.Besides that..i wonder if those car will be driven on our road,considering that the car will be threaten by our smart and inovative thieves and let's not forget the JPJ people and their laws.Hoping that these people will have enough respect for such cars which can be considered one of kind?Please la,for the car thieves they can only see money that they can generate from the blackmarket and the JPJ??We have to admit that the law is above all but..who knows..money can be generated from auction if the car ever get confiscated don't u think?? :P If my car ever get pimp,i don't think i'll ever let it our from my garage,LOL.Aiya,if it's that hard,maybe we can just do a spinoff,MTV pimp my bike(basikal)..it'll still be cool i believe.Hard to pimp the bike?? Don't look down at our own ingenuity,i can tell u that... Having said all that..i stil hope to hear this phrase in Malaysia tv's one day: Terima kasih MTV kerana pimp kereta aku. PEACE!!

V^^V