Repressive Feelings

Recently i had a dream,no, i'm not saying it in the same tone as Martin Luther King Junior(apparently this year is the 40th year after his death) but just a normal dream like a normal people will get once a while but the content of it wasn't normal for me at all... in it i remember something caused me to argue with this certain person and the argument got so bad that at one point directly or indirectly i was the cause of this person death...i was awoken by this dream was clearly shaken by it...because it was the first time as long as i can remember that i cause someone to die...and the fact that in that dream instead of feeling remorseful i feel so....relieved and free from some heavy shackle...i admit the feeling was soooo good.... and that scares me...it seems even how good i am apparently..i still retain that ability and desire to kill someone...at the end of the day it was just a dream,probably aku ni kena kacau by some setan ke apa ke.. or to be more scientific it was probably something..some thoughts that i have been repressing and somehow manifest into that dream...but in a way i'm glad that it only manifest just as a dream,but not into action coz watever the reason killing will have serious and sad consequences...
i suppose this also shows how repressed feelings or thoughts can be dangerous
if they are kept unchecked or not released in a proper and constructive manner or in a undestructive way..like talking to someone..and i suppose in this case i have to thank SSY,someone from my past who helped open me up as before SSY,i admit i was a very quiet and a type of person who would keep most of the thing inside,never expressing it,especially if it's a sad or something bad...i suppose if it's not because of SSY,i would be someone who is very recluse,full of anger and pessmistic,probably
and so i have been changed by SSY but even so without friends i wouldn't have a channel to release my thoughts..and i'm grateful so far i always manage to find friends who are non-judgmental and loyal, wiling to hear me out no matter how silly or how many times i repeat it due to my inability to solve it or get over it...all those sessions of whining and watever it is...and although usually no solutions are produced but the fact that i can pour it out is already a blessing
and i also have done my share as a guy,a person and a friend to be the ears to the people around me.i've seen people release their anger and even shed their tears telling wat ever that was bugging them and although nothing really concrete came out of it i believe that i somehow have make a little bit of a positive difference to someone,probably like lessening their repressive feelings and i'm happy to take that little role as listener,always

(Addiction is not just for drugs,it spans wide to eating,adrenaline rush,sports...and even love)